|
It's
Healthy To Satisfy Our Sexual Fantasies... But Everything
Has A Limit!
By Adriana Sommer
da Costa
To make sexual
fantasies somewhat easier to understand, let
us shed light on the concept of sexual fantasy itself.
A sexual
fantasy may be considered as an unreal achievement
of sexual desires or sex kinks. It's through
fantasy that the unconscious mind's contents
are revealed, since sexuality fantasies
become active links between the instinctive impulse
and the mechanism of ego. Therefore, sex impulses,
feelings and some types of ego defenses become forms
of expression that are "translated" into fantasy.
A good example of that are children's games, where a
child would enjoy playing different roles (such as a
"mother" or a "teacher") as needed.
It develops the universe of stimuli a child receives
from surroundings, exploring the creative capacity she/he
has, hence, it begins to develop during childhood.
A fantasy
might help emulate our unconscious desires, and sexual
fantasies wouldn't be different. That is to say,
sexual fantasies pertain to a world as
imaginative as infinite, affecting our five senses (smell,
hear, sight, touch and taste), independent of any specific
stimulation.
The intensity and
quality by which sexual fantasies influence
our thoughts may provoke different sensations; such
as fear, blame or pleasure. Just as well, they may cause
comfort or discomfort to whoever come experience it.
Adverse reactions result from each individual's upbringing.
Most women whose upbringing had plenty of taboos and
preconceived ideas towards sexuality tend to
endure greater difficulties talking about sex-
related subjects. On the other hand, it's easier for
men to speak up about sexual fantasies,
given that it's part of the male upbringing to perceive
sex with naturalness destitute of any guilt.
sexual fantasies
arise in their full potential to contribute with increasingly
sexual excitement. It is probable that negative-related
feelings to sexual arousal-reaction would appear
along the way, if seen through a severe standpoint.
On the other hand, if we explore and enjoy our sexual
fantasies with pleasure, they'll be accessible
at anytime needed.
The involvement
of an individual with his fantasies doesn't represent
in any way a sexual disease. It's only considered
pathological when fantasies are mistaken with
the reality of individual and/or when sexual
fantasy becomes incompatible with his partner's
reality. This is so because sexual fantasy
is not considered as right or wrong, but it may be seen
as adequate or inadequate, when there's a violation
in the partner's boundaries.
There are plenty
of differences between men and women, so sexual
fantasies wouldn't be different anyways. In men,
the visual stimulation is highly focused, and it's always
ready to spark desire. Most of times, within men's sexual
fantasies is desire for quickly having sex,
sometimes aggressively, with attractive women, and group
sex as well. Women, on the other hand, usually
dream of the so-called perfect relationship, so a common
fantasy is to imagine sexy men who know
how to turn them on gently as well as the fantasy
of having sex with more than one man. Another
fantasy that's highly contemptuous for women
is to play an active role at foreplay and during sexual
intercourse.
The best thing about
sexual fantasies is that we can make them
up whichever we please. However, in our culture, which
has plenty of taboos and preconceptions regarding sex,
any fantasy may result in guilt and anxiety.
Although having
sexual fantasies is natural to any individual,
not everyone has the courage to talk about the subject
or even accept fantasies as normal. People usually
keep their fantasies concealed inside a locked
chest, because they feel ashamed, and wonder if their
fantasies may be considered weirder or more bizarre
than someone else's. People need to understand that
if something is so important for themselves, perhaps
it's meaningless to the other part. As for sexual
fantasies within the relationship, the trick
is that communication still very effective. Always try
to talk, keep open dialogue about your liking and dislikes,
positions, preferences. That's the only way to achieve
understanding of what should be tried or experienced,
because no one's able to know what the other part really
wants. We always tend to rely on self-knowledge to learn
what we really want from a relationship, what we look
for, and what we wish for, so that will achieve trust
to reveal the fantasies we want to fulfill. Therefore,
someone would feel reassured to listen to what sex
partner wants as well, since a relationship is made
out of two people and two lives, so both need to feel
satisfied whether fulfilled sexual fantasies
or else.
Here is a summary
of the most common sexual fantasies that
may stimulate sexuality:
- Group sex:
one of the most popular fantasies which is considered
taboo. For men the fantasy of having sex
with two different women at the same time is even more
popular.
- Command: a great number of men have the fantasy
of being dominated by powerful and in some cases mean
women in PVC clad.
- Risk of being caught: that's a highly exciting
possibility for many people. There are those who even
enjoy audience, in a parked car, or an open window for
the neighbors peeping at it.
- Positions: each different position implies
in different stimulation on the genital area, on the
entire body, and the mind. Being "on top"
triggers power-related emotions, while being "at
the bottom" refers to submission. There's a wide
range of sexual positions, and each person has
a different response.
- Objects: high heels, vibrators, jewelry, and
lingerie are the most common, but in fact, any object
can be as erotic as any old iron.
- Picturing another situation or even another partner:
it doesn't have anything to do with love. The fact that
you free your imagination during sex and keep
focused on sensations doesn't mean that the feelings
are less important.
- Masturbation: When practicing it alone gives
us, opportunity to come to terms with our bodily functions,
our fantasies, and even our sexuality
capacity. Masturbation accompanied may increase intimacy
and stimulates desire. Besides, it allows us to have
a better control of the moment of orgasm and its intensity.
Sexual fantasies
are ultimately healthful, as long as not hurting another
person or ourselves, not supposed to become obsessive.
Everything in life has a limit to be considered normal.
The most important is to experience sex safely,
with fully commitment to safer sex brings about
even more pleasure, satisfaction, and creativity. Put
your sexual fantasies in use... if they
are healthy for you and your partner. And good luck!
Back to Home
|
