What does equality mean to you? For some people, it’s a simple concept that revolves around their bodies and how they enjoy sexual activities. For other people, sexuality means something completely different. This is partly why “sex” can mean so many things to so many people. Here are a few definitions you might want to be aware of when you’re considering your own sexuality.
Broaden your understanding of what sexuality means to you: Sexuality is the way that people experience and express themselves in the sexual relationship. This usually includes physical, erotic, emotional, mental, social, or spiritual emotions and thoughts. Since it’s a broad term, with varied historical context over time, it also lacks a clear definition. This is why individual therapy can help define and clarify individual’s sexual desires and needs.
What does it mean when you say that you experience “sensuality”? The definition of sensuality depends upon the individual. It could be defined as an emotional and physical connection that arises from your body, mind, and heart to your partner. When these three components come together, there is a very strong form of sensual experience. Some people refer to it as being in tune with the body, others as having heightened senses, and yet others call it a subjective experience. The most common definition is the emotional connection felt by the person to their partner and the sexual experience that arise from that connection.
So what about “here-and-now?” The meaning of here-and-now is an active, ongoing expression of one’s sexual feelings in the moment. This expression often occurs spontaneously without any awareness of the intention behind it. It can sometimes feel very raw and intense. Individual’s who have come to realize they have erotic feelings often describe this type of here-and-now as an inner search for something that is missing in their everyday life, such as excitement, intimacy, or even fear.
Here-and-now is not limited to any particular type of awareness, whether conscious or unconscious. It is a broad category that includes all of the complex feelings, desires, and impulses that arise and then disappear in the course of everyday life. For some people, feelings of guilt occur along with their here-and-now experiences. Guilt over things like premature ejaculation, being too sensitive or being dependent on a partner for arousal can add to their confusion about their sexuality. If you feel Guilty about your sexuality, learn to find enjoyment in the simple pleasure of sex and expand your sensual boundaries.
Sexual metaphors are powerful tools that can be used to access your private personal history and unleash your deepest sexual desires. One way to use metaphors is through a client’s own stories. When you ask a client about their childhood and what happened to them, you can learn valuable information about how they see sexuality and their personal history through their images of that past. These can be a rich source of emotional and developmental information about how the client copes with sexuality and learns to manage it.
Sexual metaphors can be applied to many other contexts than the domain of sexual problems. For instance, you may want to think about how you can transform your relationship to be more fulfilling and satisfying. Instead of thinking in terms of what does not go in, think in terms of what will go in if you just let things happen. Your clients may have an image of themselves as unfaithful, but through a process of exploration and negotiation, they may discover that they are married to their spouse, not just sexually.
In essence, sexuality is an ever-changing field of art and discovery. Even within a culture that seems to lock its sexuality up tightly, there are always new ideas, insights, and potentials to explore. This is true in our clients’ cultures as well as in the global community. As a therapist who treats clients from different cultures and sexualities, you need to be open and receptive to the variety of sexual experiences that your clients have. By being sensitive to these differences, you will provide more effective and respectful therapeutic care.